VICTIM OR VICTOR
" Victory in Jesus , my Savior forever " . I love this song.. this song says so much to me. And I use it today because of what I want to share with you. Today the Lord told me that He wanted me to share some of my testimony with you. Perhaps someone reading this is dealing with a similar situation . Or perhaps in your past you have dealt with this yet have never resolved it. It is my sincere prayer that through difficulties I lived with that you too will come to realize that we do not need to live as " VICTIMS " but rather " VICTORS ".
I was raised with a dad who was an alcoholic and a mom who was living a life of a closet wife who was being abused . Both parents smoked , both drank though dad always drank in excess. He had a nasty temper which often was displayed by screaming and one time I recall seeing him put his fist through a wall in our living room. Weeks even months would go by that my parents would not speak 1 word to one another.
So, statistics would say that a child raised in this type of environment would also be a drinker , smoker and an abuser. I recall as an older teen making myself a promise. If I ever got married and had children I would do exactly the opposite of what they did. I hated my life. I hated that there never hugs or family dinners where we actually talked. I hated that I was afraid to have friends to bring to the house cause I would be humiliated. So, I never had friends.
Sadly for decades I was a VICTIM...I allowed the hate to fill my heart. I had guilt cause children and not suppose to hate their parents. I mean, seriously though church was seldom part of my childhood I at least knew I was to honor and obey them. I allowed them to keep me from having friends . Being a VICTIM allowed my dad to control my guilt. He was good at that. Playing the victim himself. My mother I would come to find out after her death in 2000 was being abused which is why she never stood up for me.
I was a victim when one day at about age 11 0r 12 he accused me of doing something that another did and when i denied it he backhanded me causing my eardrum to burst. I am now 80 % deaf in that ear. Being the VICTIM I hated him for most of my life because of the emotional and physical abuse .
Then I found Jesus... I was in my late 20's when as a wife and mom of 3 we began going to church . It was some years later that I found the real Jesus...the one who showed me an amazing love. UNCONDITIONAL ...wow... He took my place on that cross. He died so that I might live. And the most wonderful part of it was finally realizing I did not have to be ANYONE'S VICTIM. Jesus' love gave me an assurance of that. He taught me through the LIVING WORD that I could become a VICTOR....ME ? a Victor..absolutely for me.
1 John 1 : 5-7 taught me that to walk with Him to be of the light I must love ALL people. All people ? Even my dad ? How is this possible I questioned. ? Simple , in John 3:16 we know that God sent His son to die for us...for ALL of us.. And if God loved even my dad then how could I not ? This was not an easy thing to overcome.
After my mother's death he walked out of my life. I was torn between his treatment of me and the fact I was suppose to love him. I had to go to God..asking forgiveness of my hate. I asked for love to fill my heart for this man. It is amazing how God can work. I found such amazing peace from John 14:27 where I was reminded that God's peace is not the peace the world offers..the worlds peace is alcoholic, drugs etc . PEACE AND FORGIVENESS filled my heart ,I was no longer his victim I was " VICTOR ".
Before I was able to go to my dad and tell him I forgave him..yes you can forgive someone even if they do not know..this was my only regret that he never knew I forgave him. Being deaf in 1 ear often means I cannot hear my grandchild speak to me or cannot hear the birds singing. I once hated him every time this happened..now ...there is peace in my heart.
You can also have that peace and be a VICTOR...You do not deserve to be abused in any way. And yes I know the difficulty in seeking help out there... Find that one person whom you can trust with this and talk to them..Talk to God..HE knows your pain , your heart and with Him there is ALWAYS forgiveness. Do not let another person make you a victim like I did for almost 30 years...Find that peace and know that you are one awesome person and deserve so much happiness in life. If you do not have someone you trust like I did not...contact me..we will get through this together...And you will become a VICTOR and can join me then in singing " VICTORY IN JESUS..." ..will you turn your place of being a victim into a VICTOR ? God is waiting....and I am always here...
This is never a pleasant story to share but today it was what God told me to write..It is my prayer that your heart or that of someone you know will be changed because of my living as a victor.
As always, thank you for stopping in. My day is so filled with love and joy because this ministry is reaching out...
May your day be blessed..
Til Next Time ,
In His Love,